lissylonglegs (lissylonglegs) wrote in i_hate_my_ex,

Bitter rant!

I'm actually pretty over my crappy ex since it's been a few months now and Ive since met guys who have re-affirmed my faith in males. But for months I was a total rage inferno and I think if I saw him in the street I'd vomit, or be forced to throw myself in the path of a passing bus to escape seeing his pathetic face. I hate my ex because he is generally a really lame person, and I'm so angry with myself for being sucked in!  I wasted so many months and tears and time on someone completely inadequate! And it actually damaged me and made me stop trusting males.

You know when you first meet them and they're really nice, because everyone wants to present themselves as great when you're first dating? I wasnt even attracted to him at first, I gave him a chance because I thought "oh, he's a nice guy". Wrong! Later on he would actually tell me how he prided himself on being a bad person and doing and saying nasty shit about people, even his friends. He liked using people, he was proud of being nice to people then being awful being their backs! I actually feel like I was a nasty, negative person when I was going out with him, and I hate him for that - he really brought out the worst in me. I'm embarrassed and regretful of the way I used to behave when we were together.
But you didnt fit in with his friends if you were'nt a drug user/stripper/trashy/alcoholic/general idiot. I hated when we were around his friends because while some of them were okay, largely they were low-brow trashy idiots who devoted their lives to drinking and gossiping and being mean. And the arrogance! Ugh! But he loved them and would gladly stand me up any chance he had to spend time with them. I dont want to sound arrogant, or like I think I'm better than people, but I prefer to be around positive people who have some integrity, you know? The saddest thing was that he has a five year old daughter (which he lied about when we first met), what a worry, but he'd rather pretend he's still young like his childish friends, and wouldnt give up his drugs and clubs lifestyle for anything resembling responsibility. Sad.

But you look past the fact that his friends are morons, that he has a lower intelligence level than you, has questionable morals, and that his ex-girlfriend rings him five times a day and sees him more than you do, because you love him, right? What an idiot was I! Gawd, when a guy tells you they used to take ecstacy every single day for four years straight, and used to support themselves through drug dealing, you would think it would be a sign that you're dealing with a total dodgy loser, right? Or when he tries to convince you that it's okay that both he and his ex are on drugs when theyre looking after their daughter, you'd think that'd be a bit of a red flag. But no.
I think the wake-up point was the night some of my oldest dearest friends came to town, an event I'd been looking forward to. We went to see their bands play and my charming boyfriend made an arse of himself abusing my friends and their music, even making childish, rude personal comments about their appearance when they were in the room. I just got up, got in a cab, and went home.

When we broke up we were still "friends" - meaning I would hear the stories about how he would go out and sleep with absolutely anyone (you shouldve seen some of the dogs he went home with, it's insulting to me! A man pushing forty picking up teenage girls in goth clubs, it's creepy) who paid him attention, and then he would tell me how shit they were, etc. He'd do the whole nice guy routine then completely ignore them after he'd slept with them and they wanted anything more from him, and joke about it! He'd then proceed to tell me that he loved me and would sleep with me but didnt want to be in a relationship with me. There was one girl he slept with a few times who also fell for his act and fell for him, meanwhile he was saying the most awful things about her to me, about her appearance, everything. She's one of my best friends now, haha!

The final straw was finding out that he was making jokes behind my back about my long-prevailing feelings for him. That hurt, but it killed those feelings I had pretty effectively!

My only consolation now is that he's going out with a rather unattractive girl who can't dress herself and whom I guess enjoys his dim-witted behaviour and is probably able to fit right in with the low-brow crowd he associates with. I've become a dj at his favourite club and it sounds like nobody's really putting up with him anymore. Only fitting since he used to say the nastiest things about all these people anyway - great friend that he was.
Karma, anyone?

Anyway, had to get that off my chest. It'll be the last time I talk about him.
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