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24th December 2009

moonflowerstar10:01pm: My ex-boyfriend is so spiteful.
My ex and I are on the same social site for disabled people. It didn't bother me. I'm not gonna be rude unless he gets rude to me first. He wrote a bunch of lies about me in the forum. He's very spiteful. I replied back with the truth. He is mad. He has been bad-mouthing me in the chat. One of the people I chat with tells me about it. Plus, I saw some of it, but he won't say hardly a word when I'm in the chat. Just reads what I chat about with others. Kinda creepy. The only time I mention him is replying to the forum post he started and if someone asks. I found out today the petty dude is trying to get me banned from the social site, he was talking about it in the public chat. Like I said - spiteful. We haven't talked to each other except on that forum post in 4 months and he is still being a jerk to me. I found out quick why none of his relationships, but the first messed up one, last for more than a few months.

If anyone would like to read the forum here is the link:


3rd September 2009

doxies119:37am: harassment
yeah, so i have a huge story posted on my page if anyone needs to read it. i'm sick of it, all of it, but the harassment won't stop and now i'm taking action, unfortunately. hopefully it works, but this whole thing sucks. grrrr. you'd think i'd learn after the first abusive one i'd stop there, but no, he had to be so great and wonderful, then boom, his true colors show. now everyone is involved. augh. let you know how it all works out.
Current Mood: annoyed

28th April 2009

aries_x35:01am: He had some problmes


I'm just beginging to think that my ex has a personality disorder.
When we first met I thought he was charming he had a nice voice
very clear and calm he never said anything rude and we would talk on the phone for hours.
at the time it seemed like it would make a great relationship.
But as soon as we got togeather its was like nonstop drama
firstly I was 14 and a half and he was 19 going on 20 so nobody liked the idea
espically my mom but you know at that age you'll pretty much believe anything
so he fed me a load of shit.....
First there was this thing about him having feelings for his ex and still loving her
he was basicly lying about it the whole time
at first I couldn't find proof but as the relationship went on it bacame more and more

then there was him not getting a job
which ment no money for dates or annivrsy gifts ect....
people were nice about it at first but after 6 months to a year
it just started to look bad he would always crash at a friends
place and not pay rent till they was about to kick him out
and then he would go and get some measly part time Mcjob
and evetually get fired or quit.
once he did get kicked out he would move in with another friend
He just quit calling me it was like I would get a phone call one a week
or whatever when he was comming over or whatever and half the time
I didn't get a call at all. I wish I could say it doesn't get worse but it does.

He would always show up late no not just five mintues I'm talking at least an hour
late every time it came from showing late to not showing up at all he would tell me he
was gonna come over on a cetain day and then not show up or even call to tell me he wouldn't be there
 and at first it wasn't a big deal
but after 5-6 times I was pissed espically after I had blown off my friends
to see him.
Also I don't really know why but he would show up smelling bad like he hadn't showered or brushed his teeth and he would take off his shoes and stink up the whole room it was just gross
I even told him about it politely and he still didn't fix any of it

Fianally I just told him that he needed to do something with his life and he decided
to go to school at the time I was sharing a bank account with him
because I was working full time at the age of 16...
I didn't want my mom tapping into my bank account
cuz I was underage so I trusted him with it.
then he wound up convincing him to help him with school
we agreed that once he graduated he would help me with college once he graduated
well I paid about 3,000 for his schooling and he failed so when it came time
for college I didn't have any money plus I was emabressed as hell
cuz my mom knew about me giving my paychecks to him

basicly the reltionship got progressively worse he threw me across the room our second valtentines day togeather.
He would get angry for no reason at all like one time I farted in front of him and he yelled and said godamn
you could have at least gone in the other room. I started telling him I just wanted to be friends or break up and he would tell me he was going to kill himself and that he had just swallowed poison or that he was going to move out of state and never speak to me again.
I asked him if he could please call me twice a week and he called me a complete bitch.
he even held up the phone so that I could hear all of his friends making fun of me in the background.
He was rude to my mom too he didn't respact our boundaries
he would come over and eat our food like it was his.
acting like he fucking lived there it was really starting to piss me off.

When I was moving away for college he got all clingy and stuff like he was crying when I left but I didn't even care I just
wanted to get away from him. I guess thats when we stareted to fight real bad
It was getting to the point were I was having trouble undrstanding what we were fighting about
or why we started fighting in the first place.

The straw that broke the camels back was when he moved in with me....
he told me he was going to jobcorps to get an education and that he would only stay there a week
before he was leaving for there but he wound up staying two months....
I was trying to search for something on his laptop and found his exgirlfriends name in the search history like 20 times..I was so upset thatI kicked him outta my room for the night....
basicly he sat outside the door whining saying that he was gonna kill himself till
he woke up my roomate and even slipped a knife under the door

The next day as I was leaving for school I was shutting the door and he just started calling me names
like bitch slut whore!!!
I just left because I didn't have time for his bs
and after he left my appartment I broke up with him

My only real regret is spending so much time and energy on that relationship
I droped out of highschool and wasted and entire years paychecks on him
I did dangerous things to go and see him such as riding my bike down the highway at
4 in the moring or skip school and stuff and walked to his house....the relationship cause me to have anxiety and fight with my mom
plus it ruined my reputation with alot of people and their parents
sometimes I wounder about all the things I could have done
with the money I gave to him
I guess its good that I am not with him now

4th February 2009

burned your art piece bitch!and thers nothing you can fucking do about it. cheat on me il get you back. heahaha you were so fucking mad it was so funny i laughed the whole time. you said i looked like a crazy bitch posting it online well i AM a crazy bitch and i had hella fun doing it. i don't like you and nobody here does. except for the girl you talked to who lives two hours away who you only met once..... hah. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

ps. no wonder your dad left and hates you. youre hella destructive and a liar.
Current Mood: bitchy

9th January 2009

vampyrequin4:25pm: "Men and their Penis" THREE stories in ONE!
This I am not only writing because it happened to me.
But also my mum and my aunts.
These are the men we've had in our lives.
My ex left me after 15 months together for someone older than he because he didnt feel like my boyfriend but my "babysitter" but that story isn't an interesting one. This is the story of the women in my family.

1 "The husband, the wife, the girl, her dad and the pizza shop"
My aunt is a saint. A good woman, taking care of her three small babies while her husband (Chris) worked at a pizza shop. Now my uncle had always been biggish, but all of the sudden he started to work out, he lost weight and he started to look good. He became an arrogant prick, took up smoking and decided he wanted a bike (which he didnt get but still wanted the image of a bikie) and started treating my aunt like she was worthless.
In this mean time a girl whom worked with him started to create problems. My aunt became suss and although she had an idea something was happening she had no proof. For some reason two days ago this girl's dad came into the shop and started threatening my uncle Chris. He told the dad not to make a show that his wife was in the shop so they went outside for their fight, apparently the girl showed up home drunk and the dad kicked her out.
Yesterday hell broke loose. The dad went to the shop to "kill" my uncle with a knife. Uncle Chris had to close the shop early and tried running away. Once home Chris wouldnt tell my aunt what was happening. She couldnt understand why this was coming about..why it was so "personal" thats when the police came and my uncle had to come clean.
He had been screwing this girl for four months!!
He is 40 years old! She is only 19! Imagine I am 21! my dad is 40! This girl could easily have been his daughter. How could the dad not want to kill him?
My aunt is now devastated left alone with three small kids.

2 "The family man"
When my aunt introduced us to our "new" uncle Sergio we couldnt be more happy for her. He was the perfect family man she's always needed for herself and her kids.
This guy would show everyone what a great guy he was, CONVINCING us all that he was. Taking us to his rich sister's house to show how family orientated he was, USING her to look good. After making my aunt suffer for so many months he said to her he was confused, but wanted to be with her no matter what whilst telling everyone else he had broken up with her and that he didnt want to see her again so he could parade his other woman, Whom he also conviced he was a good family man and that she was the only one for him.

3 My mother's life story
I am sure this story is very familiar to 99.9 % women out there, it also happened to my mum, my dad was living la vida loca while she was taking care of me and my little brothers, working as a slave to provide my dad with the perfect clean house and home made food. After 23 years of marriage (they met when mum was 14 and dad 17) dad now, finally at 40 years old has he changed to a mature, good husband and dad. How long did my mother put up with him? To be honest I still dont know why she did...I suppose she loves him too much.

It is very sad, but I would say the moral of this story is rather a painful one for us women, so painful that we struggle to admit and we continue fooling ourselves into thinking that honest man still exist. Well, if they do, I haven't encountered any one. The truth is their priorities go like this:
1- Their penises
2- Their friends
3- Their job and car
4- Their dog
5- Their children
6- Their wives

Women, be aware! Do not trust anything that comes out of their mouths unless it is also confirmed by their peers that are not their friends (be aware: His best friend is your worst enemy alibi-provider-lawyer shit).
And even so, make sure the ones that provide you with information about them are not partial, because they build around them a network of deception so everyone is deceived into thinking they are good fellas and are ready to give an excellent report on them. Go to the places that they go, listen what they say, ask around, build trust with the people around them so they would tell you what they really are like and most of all, Do you know the old lady/women/men that they say you shouldn't trust because they are not good/gossipers/lying whores/bad friends? They are exactly the person you should be asking, because they are probably the mother of the one they broke their heart/the women they cheated on/the husband they stole the wife from and they are exactly the ones you should be asking for info.
If this warnings are too late for you, this is what you should do:
Expose all their filth so they are shown as the bastards they really are and they feel the shame they should feel, and at the same time, you would save another naive woman from their lying claws.
Good luck my friends, if you find a man that is worth something, you won the lotto.
Current Mood: aggravated

13th December 2008

stalking_angel2:27pm: My Obsession
This is the journal about leaning about my obsession through distant observation.  She's incredible, I love you, I know so much about her, and she has never seen me.

Read all the dirty details.

Friends Only

8th December 2008

bestbekept12:21am: I met my ex 2 and a half years ago and we were really close almost immediatey.  I'm talking some bonecrushing compatibility, here.  We didn't start dating until January because we both were in relationships most of the time we knew eachother.  We broke up in September because we had lived at least three hours apart the entire duration of our relationship.  It never felt final because nothing really changed.  We still talked all the time and visited eachother occasionally and when we're together, we're together.
I never stopped loving him, but I'm not sure I can keep up any sort of relationship with him anymore.  He calls me almost every night, but most nights he's drunk.  It's not that he says anything particularly offensive or even very characterstically drunk, but conversation with a drunk doesn't seem real somehow.  As close as we always were, it's hard to feel like he's my best friend, but Whiskey is his.  This isn't the first time or context in which I've felt subordinated by alcohol, so it hits a nerve. 
and worse, i'm moving to his city of domicile in 3 weeks.
you know what's troubelsome about all this?  in my journal i've railed against how irresponsible and inconsiderate he is and now, writing for a community i'm framing it as my problem.  because throughout our entire relationship i've been defending him. i don't really know how not to anymore.

6th December 2008

walkingpower4:02pm: i hate my ex, but...
I agreed to see my him again tonight (after meeting with him last week for coffee) this time, he wants to watch movies and chill at a hotel...and i said yes to it thru texting him. hes supposed to call around 7pm. Im so defensive though and dont want to get hurt by him again. we basically havent been together in almost 2yrs. but this is the dude that fucked my over by seeing someone and being in a complete relationship w her 2x. Its just that he caught me at a real low point of my life. i live at home,went thru a dumb relationship with a younger guy who then got an arranged marriage(i think now he says its not true..bs) im just always depressed and have no life. i want to drink before seeing him. im so down. this is making me have anxiety but at this point wtf cares.

5th December 2008

lissylonglegs3:11pm: Bitter rant!
I'm actually pretty over my crappy ex since it's been a few months now and Ive since met guys who have re-affirmed my faith in males. But for months I was a total rage inferno and I think if I saw him in the street I'd vomit, or be forced to throw myself in the path of a passing bus to escape seeing his pathetic face. I hate my ex because he is generally a really lame person, and I'm so angry with myself for being sucked in!  I wasted so many months and tears and time on someone completely inadequate! And it actually damaged me and made me stop trusting males.

You know when you first meet them and they're really nice, because everyone wants to present themselves as great when you're first dating? I wasnt even attracted to him at first, I gave him a chance because I thought "oh, he's a nice guy". Wrong! Later on he would actually tell me how he prided himself on being a bad person and doing and saying nasty shit about people, even his friends. He liked using people, he was proud of being nice to people then being awful being their backs! I actually feel like I was a nasty, negative person when I was going out with him, and I hate him for that - he really brought out the worst in me. I'm embarrassed and regretful of the way I used to behave when we were together.
But you didnt fit in with his friends if you were'nt a drug user/stripper/trashy/alcoholic/general idiot. I hated when we were around his friends because while some of them were okay, largely they were low-brow trashy idiots who devoted their lives to drinking and gossiping and being mean. And the arrogance! Ugh! But he loved them and would gladly stand me up any chance he had to spend time with them. I dont want to sound arrogant, or like I think I'm better than people, but I prefer to be around positive people who have some integrity, you know? The saddest thing was that he has a five year old daughter (which he lied about when we first met), what a worry, but he'd rather pretend he's still young like his childish friends, and wouldnt give up his drugs and clubs lifestyle for anything resembling responsibility. Sad.

But you look past the fact that his friends are morons, that he has a lower intelligence level than you, has questionable morals, and that his ex-girlfriend rings him five times a day and sees him more than you do, because you love him, right? What an idiot was I! Gawd, when a guy tells you they used to take ecstacy every single day for four years straight, and used to support themselves through drug dealing, you would think it would be a sign that you're dealing with a total dodgy loser, right? Or when he tries to convince you that it's okay that both he and his ex are on drugs when theyre looking after their daughter, you'd think that'd be a bit of a red flag. But no.
I think the wake-up point was the night some of my oldest dearest friends came to town, an event I'd been looking forward to. We went to see their bands play and my charming boyfriend made an arse of himself abusing my friends and their music, even making childish, rude personal comments about their appearance when they were in the room. I just got up, got in a cab, and went home.

When we broke up we were still "friends" - meaning I would hear the stories about how he would go out and sleep with absolutely anyone (you shouldve seen some of the dogs he went home with, it's insulting to me! A man pushing forty picking up teenage girls in goth clubs, it's creepy) who paid him attention, and then he would tell me how shit they were, etc. He'd do the whole nice guy routine then completely ignore them after he'd slept with them and they wanted anything more from him, and joke about it! He'd then proceed to tell me that he loved me and would sleep with me but didnt want to be in a relationship with me. There was one girl he slept with a few times who also fell for his act and fell for him, meanwhile he was saying the most awful things about her to me, about her appearance, everything. She's one of my best friends now, haha!

The final straw was finding out that he was making jokes behind my back about my long-prevailing feelings for him. That hurt, but it killed those feelings I had pretty effectively!

My only consolation now is that he's going out with a rather unattractive girl who can't dress herself and whom I guess enjoys his dim-witted behaviour and is probably able to fit right in with the low-brow crowd he associates with. I've become a dj at his favourite club and it sounds like nobody's really putting up with him anymore. Only fitting since he used to say the nastiest things about all these people anyway - great friend that he was.
Karma, anyone?

Anyway, had to get that off my chest. It'll be the last time I talk about him.

24th October 2008

the_o_phile9:15pm: WHY ME ?!!

This one is for the ladies that are forever wondering wat it actually is that they are doing wrong and why their relationships fall apart even tho they are doing their very best... well let me share my rant and rave

Firstly you more than likely did nothing wrong...... i feel lyk i hav the authority to say this as this very occurence happened to me two days ago and i found myself in a heap on my bedroom floor...crying. might i add... AND IN FACT,as i thought more about the situation that i was in ..i began to seeth wif rage : it popped into my head " WAIT a fukin minute ..what am i apologising for doin".. in the the next half an hour i couldnt acutally summarise a decent paragraph or 5 bullet points worth of reasons for an apology.

The next day came, and the anger grew over me again. I drew the conclusion that i have more of a reason to be angry then said person does.

Secondly , DONT TRY AND PROVIDE EXCUSES, that night i provided MANY excuses for him calling myself all kinds of horrific names!. dont waste your time doing this like i did. I do actually understand that u really still want to be with said person and that u are willing to do wt it takes. i also understand the feeling of " if i get angry it might backfire!".. becuase this also wavered across my train of thought and once again i sat for half an hour thinking. if said person makes NO effort than they OBVIOUSLY dont care, and i WOULD NOT advise the hasty approach and break up with said person, because this stands a chance of a backfire (an extremely explosive backfire) .. simply wait .. in this whole "game" waiting is the best thing you can do.. and all this fukin bullshit  about break up wf him first so u can say u did it.. is the fattest load of frogs bullocks i have ever heard... LET HIM BREAK UP WIF YOU and then at least you can say.... i havent done anything wrong.... he was a prick for breaking up wif me for NO REASON lol .. let him have the "upper hand" if it means you have the moral high ground !!

THIRDLY ..it will do you well to have a good memory in these harsh times of trials and tribulation , throughout the many heartaches that u will go through in life this skill of rememberance will act as a shield to any oncoming obstacles and hypocritical statements that may come your way... for example; ,, i recall that half of the information i heard about MY OWN LIFE came from other various sources all of which stemed frm his " closest"  pals ....

1) REMEMBER THOSE THAT TELL YOU INFORMATION so that wen it comes to naming names you can sing lyk a canary

also ..remember specific times or dates if you prefer, wen ur nearest and dearest has shown floors in his character and faults,, thus protecting you from any that he may try and collect against you to substaniate his reason for the break up! DO NOT start using these against him at first ..onli use these if you feel lyk u hav to defend yourself and if u can see he is doing a shit job of makin up an excuse .. come back twice as hard and darlin ... your still in the right !

2) REMEMBER HOLES IN STORIES AND THINGS THAT DO NOT ADD UP , this will help you wif quick and sharp comebacks wen he decides to turn nasty (THIS TIME MAY NEVER COME ) bt the best defence is a great offence!!

If this time does never come, and sed person does actually mean wat he said and hes feelings are actaully genuine then TALK TO HIM dont try and be clever by starting up again that is one of the last things you need!

3) BE NICE .. onli ever turn nasty if he does .. never attack onli ever defend no matter how much you feel lyk a mug. you may be angry ..and I FUKIN WAS ASWELL ... but i then came to realise the fact that he probably has NO IDEAAAA that i kno half of the things that i do know  is  GOOD and half the fun is keepin it all secret until the almighty explosion wen you enialate him and all his defences !!!!!!!

... DONT BE FOOLED ... most people think yeahh i wuld lyk to keep it wif as least people as possible and rightly so as most people know that most stories and rumours nowa days get twisted .. HOWEVER it is always good to hav one of his friends close at hand if you need it .. FOR EXAMPLE i had this guy on my msn whom was one of my boyfriends closest friends.. and he was my STRONGEST WEAPON ... as u slowly but surely make this guy feel sorry for you (and u know that OBVIOUSLY he will go and tell ur bf wt u hav sed) , remember all of wt this guy has sed... most bois ..wen they tell their friends about girls they  expect them to keep it to themselves.. bt as i made this guy feel sorry for me i found him tellin me information to try and " help me out "... bless this guy he actually thought he was doing good.. but OH NO he was making my side stronger.. this again is for wen everything comes on top...  ...

boyfriend : yhh so i wana break up wif u

YOU: OH  really  well you need to watch wat u say to your so called "friends" bcos they very slyly hav BIG mouths ..somehow everyfin you told them was relayed to me before you told me..thus informin me of your plans two days before hand.. so now i'm prepared and its wateva !

boyfriend : ** pissed**

if you have just read that and do not understand how that works then think of it like this .. how wuld u feel if u was about to break up wif someone and they told u that your best friend had alreadyyyyyyy told them about ur plans ... therefore enabling them to prepare themselves and get over the upset .. PISSED

ppl say to me all the time .. rachael ! dont let ppl and him no that you are upset... NOOOO THIS IS EXACTLY WT U SHULD DO ... lol .. the more he thinks you are upset .. the more he'll either feel guilty (doubt it but stl a possiblitly) orrrr the more he'll feel lyk he has power .. LOL this is a fabulous position to be in ..because he thinks he has got you righttttttttttt where he wants you .. BUT NO ... lol wen he tries to come at you wif the patronising phrases and the lies (more importantly) .. you can quickly snap back .. (not rudely)..but just enough to let him kno that YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT AND YOU ARE NOT THAT CRUSHED TO BE TAKING BULLSHIT !! ..HE WILL BUCK UP HIS IDEAS AND RE EVALUATE HIS HYPOTHESIS!!!!

another keyyy point in this .. MSN ..msn can make or break u .. lol .. first of all dont try and b immature by changin your screen names to the " breaking heart"  AKA bullocks ... orr secret subliminal messages thats jus bullshit ... wt u do is simply observe ! dont be tooo over eager by constantly talkin to the guy that just dumped you.. the more you leave and observe the more you'll notice his cry for attention.. lol classic sign : signing in and out again and again and again ! .... he is tryin to make you remember him and remind you of him and its PATHETIC bcos this ..instead of remindin me.. just repulsed me and i was thinkin " just  piss off "..

4) DO NOT TRY AND MISLEAD PPL ON MSN ..it never ever ever works : i dont kno if ppl hav realised bt msn is dangerous ppl can quote your exact words ..and they can save conversations so ..if you end up gettin into a web of lies and tryin to mislead ppl ..then you may find urself being bombarded wif things that you hav sed to other ppl ... and you will look stupid...you'll be a hypocrite

HOWEVER there is nooo harm in doin this to other people and especially your bf like i hav probably sed already .. dont hesitate to pull out SOLID ( and i mean undebateable ) quotes on him if he starts to try and quote u .. lol .. wen i say solid i mean it ..there is nufin worse than not being able to remember a quote and then lookin lyk a fool wen u've been corrected ... bad times!! ..so dont get urself in that position!!

... to be continueddd...............
Current Mood: cranky

4th September 2008

walkingpower5:40pm: what a jerk
i keep stalking my ex(who is arab and got"arranged marriage") and now his myspace says "in a relationship"yet, the ENTIRE time when he was with me,it was "single". (im almost he stalks mine because this last week i lied and put in a relationship and my mood as "loved" because i know he knows my site name(we used to be "friends") yeah, and i forgot to write in here that i met up with him 2 weeks ago to "talk" and he basically got me to sleep with him again. he had called me from a new number (i didnt know it was him and when i answered it was shocking)and that was after he shut off his phone or else changed the number for a good 3 weeks! then i felt guilty as hell. he kept saying that girl on the phone was his cousin and he told her to tell me they were engaged to get back at me for shutting off my phone. then, he had gotten like all his hair cut. it looked bad. i dont mean to be shallow, but he used to have his hair in a low pony tale its what attracted me to him?
so, then he goes on to tell me he got a job delivering things and would be making trips that may take up to 10 days and he might not have his phone on or working! (lol, please). i was just like oookkkaaaayy. so then, after the entire sleeping with him(which was pretty much almost forced again, bad, and just i wanted to leave). he calls me later that night and was trying to talk, but i seriously think that he is a cheater and just finally realized what a looser, unstable, and majorly different from me he is. so that all comes down to this. fuck men. god, why is my life so maddening right now? im soooo pissed and can not wait to drink on saturday. i want to at least feel somewhat good about myself. its all about drinking on saturday and dancing and just plain having fun talking to new people till i find someone, whether it be guy or girl. im serious.

9th August 2007

secretkept2810:27pm: Can I let go?
I have an ex from two years ago that did me in the cruelest way possible. His words can be harsh and laced with sensitivity, so I catch the drift yet not get too offended. His mental abuse escalated by the day, and near the end I was on the verge of self combustion. I am not happy with myself because of him and to this day I wish I never walked down those basement steps in that house where I met him.
In a way I feel I deserve to be treated so harshly, being that he was married. His wife and I began with threesomes, and in the mean time between all the sexual tension I was craving this man was wanting it on the side as well, with just me.
Of course I am sick for what I have done. But I didn't ruin thier marriage. It was doomed from the beginning, and it ended with a big explosion and me stuck in the middle...I was the person who got the finger pointed at. She cheated on him and he cheated on her is how the conclusion of this fiasco finished.
Shortly after he left her, I moved in with him. It was nice at first, until his drinking progressed to a daily routine. The arguing began, and his interesting phone calls that he could not answer with me in the room began to make me wonder. I sensed he began to ignore me unless he wanted sex, and I began to hurt. I felt like I bored him. Then when I tried to do something to make him listen he would say "are you fucking retarded?"
I left shortly after he came home one night after the bar and intended to have sex with me. I gave in, but when it began to hurt I told him to stop. He was being too rough, and when he wouldn't listen I pushed him off of me. I dodged his fist as it went through the door, then he decided to call me a dirty whore and say I am not worth his time.
Even after I left he kept calling me, wanting to spend time with me. He manipulated me with gifts and messages on my phone so I gave in, not knowing that his new girlfriend (who he cheated on me with) was in the picture. Apparently I found out after delivering flowers to a house by his, seeing her car in his driveway, and them kissing outside the porch. That night I cried so hard I thought my insides would spill, and I filled myself up with a bottle of wine and Heineken.
I grew depressed, and tried a hundred different things to get him off my mind. Dating other men didn't help much, because I was insecure and vulnerable to other manipulators. I either fucked it up with jealously or impulses from the previous encounters. It became a pattern where all I wanted was nothing but the same kind of guy he was.
It took a lot of courage but I have tried to let it go since last September. No one knows how much I still hurt from it, even if I bring a little up here and there.
It has been two years since I have spoke to him or even seen him. I hate him so much, to the point where I could kill. A rape victim as well, I seriously feel that I hate him more then my rapist. Is that bad? I don't ever want to see him or talk to him again as long as I live and could care less what his life brings him. He never apologized for any of the pain he has caused and to this day I wait for the one email where he does. And I will keep waiting.
I really need to let this go, because I know many women had it worse than I have? It is like an obsession, where I can't help but think about it at least once a day.

I met this really great guy too. He is a guy friend I used to date when I lived in Petoskey, Michigan. He is sweet and has all the qualities I need. But I am so scared I am going to screw it up because of the pain I am still clinging onto.

Men are irritating, aren't they?

1st August 2007

1026818:31am: Hello

my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me last month. I decided I was going to try to make it work and dismissed all those feelings of mistrust and anger. ever since he told me we have been ups and downs with very few ups. so far he has done nothing to prove to me that I am not wasting my time, if anything he has shown me that I am not very important to him.  all of this coming from a man who wanted to marry me, from a man just over a month ago was looking at houses with me, and the worse… from a man who was my best friend.


im not sure if I am single or if we are still together. last night he got drunk and failed to come home so I have locked him out of our apartment but I know im week and if he tried I would let him back.


now I guess im supposed to forget about how im feeling and try to do some work. but all I can do is wonder if he has a spare key.

4th March 2007

maria_west12:48am: I'm done with this shit
I don't really know if I hate my ex or not, but god knows I fucking should. He's the saddest, meanest, most mentally ill person I've ever met. Officially, we were together for a little short of a year and broke up somewhat 8 - 10 months ago (read: I broke up with him), but for some reason we've been friends for all this time and I occasionally spend (or spent) the night as his place (with however no, or a minimal amount of fooling around, since I kinda find him repulsive in that way). All the way from when he started to suspect I wasn't happy with him to this date, he has been verbally abusive, and telling his friends my intimate secrets. When I got angry at him for talking about my private stuff to his friends, he said he hadn't realised he wasn't supposed to talk about it. Sadly enough, I actually almost believe him, after all he's such a crazy, psychotic fucktard that doesn't really realize those kind of things. He has called my mother a whore in front of my friend (who is a guy that I've been in love with for quite a while but only once, a long time ago, acted on it. My ex and this guy hate each other, obviously.) and almost daily he blackmouths my parents for being racist (which they are not ) or otherwise stupid. He constantly makes me feel stupid and ugly and bad about myself by saying shit like "what the fuck are you doing you retard bitch, you can't leave your shoes there" on any and every possible and impossible occassion. He also talks shit about my friends, calls them ugly or stupid or whatever, and messes their friendships up by sleeping with one of them and having her tell lies about their relatioship, which of course irritates the person who's been lied to, who happens to me my best girlfriend. I've been taking this shit for all these months, almost a fucking year now, and I'm fucking through with it. I will not have my friends getting all messed up because of him, I will not have my family blackmouthed by him, I will not have my secrets spread all over the town, I will not have my self esteem being tramped down by anyone. He calls me retard and helpless for living with my parents (I'm 20 years old and waiting for replies from universities so I get to know which city I'll be living in) and he himself is fucking 24 years old and has had his mom (who lives on the other side of the town) do his laundry up until last year, and makes his mom give him money so he can get wasted all alone in his amphetamine -addictish overcleaned apartment, and also, he has his mom give him a ride home at 4 or 5 a.m cause he's too "independent and relaxed" to check his buss schedules. The truth is he's just too much of a psychopathic asshole to realise other people have feelings, too, and that the world doesn't necessarily go around his fucking finger. And here's the punchline: he gave me a call threatening me that if I wouldn't do as he says (which I still don't know what it was) he'll tell some more of my secrets to the girl (a friend of my friend) he's banging and oooh boy those secrets will spread fast and everyone will know everything. I've fucking had my share of him. I'd gladly toss him over to his new fuckbuddy but gosh, I wouldn't wish that for my worst fucking enemy. Now that I've wrote all this and read it through, I've come to the conclusion that yes, i fucking hate my ex.

2nd March 2007

walkingpower7:18pm: what an idiot he is
Hey. well ive been dating someone new, for like 4 1/2months. (but he is foreign and sometimes i just dontknow)but i was still kindof talking to and seeing sometimes my ex of 5yr relationship.(i know thats wrong) my family hates him and doesnt even know about our relationship and that is lasted that long. well, recently my ex wont even pick up the phone for days for me. he acts grumpy. He had cheated on me in the past and was verbally abusive. Anyway, i pretty much think hes seeing someone now. But im so happy i lasted this long w the new relationship. I just was still talking to my ex cause its like a friendship and childhood i didnt want to end? well he answered hisphone today and was like, "what do you want me to do? im about to get a house ad your family hates me so whats the point?" exactly. what is the point. f u bastard. like, he has done SOOO much to me and my family. when i found out he was cheating on me, i met the girl and we waited for him. he never showed up. then he had called my house and faked he was a cop and told my dad i got a d.u.i. and was in jail. my dad almost had a heartattack. he cheated on me 1ST. this was yrs ago. Hes also ugly. not being shallow, but im not as naiive and its now embarrassing. hes REAL skinny. the only good thing was i was intimately compatible w him. but i now realize that sex is something that is superficial and in the end its all how you feel about yourself when you are with someone.how they make you feel. as a person. he will NEVER have the love i gave him, from someone else. because, he is such a cold person and has such bad mood swings, ANYONE will leave him after a while. i was just stupid for sticking by him this whole time. i needed to vent . sorry 4 taking up room...

27th February 2007

aimee__rose1:43pm: so my ex boyfriend who i trusted more then anyone in the world posted naked pictures of me all over myspace.. most embarrassing/depressing thing that ever happened to me. needless to say i'm pressing charges against him because i was only 15 in those pictures.

13th February 2007

walkingpower3:59pm: im hate my life
hello all.
looks like this is my kind of community. too bad noone goes on it often but im going to post anyways.
you see, im going through some bad bad times. ive been with my (ex?) bf for on/off 5yrs. i hated him soooo much and still do even though we still mess around and talk daily. he had cheated on me 3yrs ago while i was away in school. then the bastard lies the whole time telling me to come see him (1 a month thats nothing) he must have been cheating on my a good 5 months. i even met the b****. well 9 months go by of me not answering calls. we somehow got back together and have been dating.
he is verbally abusive. he is a criminal. i had to lie to my family about us. we could have gotten a place together, but i dont trust hell be around! he was in jail for suspected drug selling. he is also unattractive to me now and to others, very skinny, beady eyed.
i dont know if this will make any sense to you all. but i hhad been cheating on him since midoctober.but this guy isnt normal either. hes 23 lives at home w his father. his dad controls him. he s also foreign from a part of arabia and they are very strict about their culture. even though hes cute, there s a lack in conversation understanding. and he wasnt exactly experienced. i just feel intimately compatible w my ex. its messed up.
i broke up with the new guy because he recently had gotten introuble w his father and was talking about his father making him get married. i was like whoaaaa this is too much. as if im not an option. i changed my number so he could nt call back (i had told him we shouldnt talk and he was like oh ill think about it) whatever. well now all i have is my ex. which suuuuxxxxx, but oh well

5th January 2007

jamieluvssports1:10pm: WomanSavers.com
Dear Ass-wipe,

I posted you on http://www.womansavers.com for all the world to see how you cheated on me and hurt me emotionally and physically. I pray that you will never hurt another but I know because you are good looking and charming, another prey will fall trap in your web of lies.

Someday a greater power will judge you but until that time I will let the world know my story.

Forever Scarred

15th September 2006

sammyd7343:52am: Sexual Ex
OK so I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago. At first I really liked being with him. We worked at the same place...I started to feel uncomfortable around him. Like We worked at a Bar B Que place and the counter is up really high.. and when i would take an order he would come up beside me and stick his hand between my legs knowing that I couldn't do anything about it at the time. When we would take a break he would start messaging my leg and thenquickly shove his hand between my legs and would message me bewteen my legs when I would say stop and he wouldnt and I would try to pull his hand away but couldnt and there were people around so I was quiet about it. Am I wrong for not telling anyone?
Current Mood: curious

13th September 2006

somefinegirl4:32pm: hey
I'm just sort of looking for some support so I can get through all this crap. Are there any guys here? Are they all immature losers? Maybe someone can tell me if i'm as horrible a girlfriend as I supposedly was. I can't stop thinking about my ex and I just want him out of my mind.
Current Mood: lonely

19th July 2006

chokatobuttrfly4:05pm: WTF do you want from me?!
Life's dealt me a raw hand lately. I'm quite frankly surprised that I'm not in a ditch somewhere. I've had problems with identity theft, my landlord, my job, money, my idiot deadbeat dad, health problems.. whichever. I'm strong, I live, and I have one good thing going for me. My boyfriend. The love of my freakin life. Been with him for almost 4 1/2 years now. Moved three states away from the only worthwhile family and friends I have for him. Had a fairy tale relationship beginning. Sure, we fought. Sure, we had our problems, but they were solved easily or at least only took us a couple days to stop acting like children. About the only complaint I could have is I wish he'd get off his ass more and keep his promises and not let his job get to him so much. Oh, and maybe let's take some time off to go to a movie or something. But he's been awesome.

So why am I here with a seemingly wonderful love life? Warning: I used harsh harsh language.
cut just because I don't like long ass posts taking up a communityCollapse )
Current Mood: lonely

15th February 2006

areyoudying6:47pm: My ex just broke up with me a couple of minutes ago.
Because he likes someone else.
One of my best friends.
What should I do?
I hate him now, and I need to get my mind of strangling him to death.
Current Mood: pissed off

23rd November 2005

evergreen_queen7:10pm: My ex does not want me, but he keeps sending over his friends to talk to me, to tell me what he had for dinner last night, which of his bitches he had sex with afterwards, what are his opinions on world issues. Should I let go of my angelic patience for once, and egg his house?

31st July 2005

dreamsxreality9:36pm: god
i hate him so much
i hate him because im starting to miss him
its been 5 months
he started to pop up in my head today
i cant get it out
i try to think of the bad stuff and i get sad
but im starting to miss him
i hate him i hate him i hate him
Current Mood: crushed
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